I feel like I could write a book about uncertainty. I mean, the struggle is real, folks. Uncertainty is not a fun place to be. It's like hanging in limbo, not knowing if you're going to soar or fall, if you're emotional roller coaster is going to go up or down, or do a loop-di-loop for that matter. Sometimes it feels like those few seconds on the Tower of Terror ride at Disney - you know, when you're at the top and you KNOW you're about to free fall but you haven't yet? The anticipation is killer. And in those moments of uncertainty, fear creeps in. Fears, worries, what-if's, insecurities, and basically anything else that the devil wants to use to keep us in bondage.
BUT….
In those stand-still moments, before the free-fall, is when I find God show up the biggest. WHEN I call on Him and rely on His strength, His power, His comfort, His peace, His mercy, His love…His justice. His all-knowing supremacy and ultimately, His Perfect plan.
He's got this!
Anything I can muster up to defend my kids, promote myself as the better placement, or investigate and "expose" crappy things the bio parents are doing is NOTHING compared to what my God can do. And I have got to let go of my own view of justice, my own view of how this system is "supposed" to work, because let's face it. It's a flawed system. Very, very flawed. Despite there being *some* very dedicated, honest people there who truly want whats best for these children, the system is simply flawed. (Talk about writing a book….there's another one! Ha!)
And I suppose to finish out the Disney ride analogy - then, without fear, I can enjoy the rest of that ride…because I LOVE a good roller coaster/ride!
In our own cases, here's an update:
DS:
Adoption paperwork and home study are complete, and are at the attorney's office. I signed last night and Jose is signing today!! Finalizing should happen this month, although there is a family member attempting to throw us a curve ball. We're not too worried (ok, truth: hubby isn't worried, I kind of am but I'm practicing what I preach and am trying to daily LET IT GO and give it to God!!) but praying that her threats are just that: threats; no follow-through.
L:
Mama is doing pretty good as far as case-plans go. She's supposedly got her own place now, and has a decent job. She expects L by Christmas, which we are being told won't happen. Mom has not been visiting very often at all. Follow-through is a big issue here, along with maturity and responsibility.
Dad is non-compliant with his case plan at the moment. Which, we've learned, really doesn't mean much. There's no "real" consequences, currently, for this. If he still is non-compliant when we go to court in Feb then he could be threatened with loss of parental rights but it probably won't happen right away. He still gets the right to see her (but hasn't in the past two weeks) at the office, supervised. (He lost unsupervised visitation rights without having ever even had an unsupervised visit. He's seen L a total of 3 times since the beginning of September)
So, that's where we are at! Thanks for journeying with us, praying for us, and sharing these stories. The more people are talking about foster care, the more awareness we bring to our communities. Hopefully, the more awareness we bring, the more people feel called to this whole fostering journey alongside of us. That's our prayer. No more children being bounced from home to home, sleeping in a hotel, or even in their case managers' office. No more over-crowded and over-used foster homes that then get burned out
