Broken

Today I sat in that courtroom again.  The court room where we sat for numerous Judicial Reviews, with and without our (then) foster daughter. The room in which E's biological mother was "outed" for underage drinking and "not benefiting from services" - she wasn't doing her case plan and didn't seem to care. The room in which the judge ordered a psych eval on bio mom. The room in which E's biological mother tried to convince everyone that she didn't mean to sign surrenders, and should get her parental rights back. The room in which we found out that bio mom's parents were going to get involved.  The room in which the maternal grandfather & step grandmother's attorney insinuated that E could handle a placement change at 2 years of age (she was actually 20 months, but whatever), and that the next 16 years of her life needed to be spent with her grandparents, not us (his words, not mine...although I would've said "the rest of her life" not just the next 16 years?? Oh well). The room in which Judge G thanked us, over and over again, for "all we were doing" for E. The room in which we saw friends adopt and become forever families. The room in which Judge G excluded the grandparents from the case and denied their petition for adoption. The room in which I bawled my eyes out when Judge G said we could adopt our precious girl. The room in which, after so many prayers, tears, and so much fighting for our baby girl's best interests....she became a Santana.

So many emotions, just one court room.

Today's outcome unfortunately is going to be added to the "negative" column. As I sat behind my dear friend, who was holding an adorable little 4 month old in a "little sister" onesie; listened to her husband plead with the judge and explain why she should stay with them; watched their adopted son play with his half sister (biological!) and then watched in horror as the unthinkable happened: the judge granted the biological parents' motion to intervene and allow a relative to privately adopt her.

My friend has had this baby since she was two days old - picked her up from the hospital! This biological family had 9 months to plan a private adoption - why wait until now?

The questions I have far outweigh the answers in these sort of situations...
-how is this legal?
-why are parents, WHO HAVE LOST CUSTODY, allowed to make life-altering decisions for these vulnerable children? (who are they to say these people are ok??)
-why are the laws written to be SO in favor of parental rights?
-where, for the love, are the CHILDREN'S RIGHTS?? And why aren't THOSE rights being protected?
-why does "the system" care more about numbers and getting cases off of their desks instead of truly caring about the best interest of the children they are supposed to be caring for?!


I could go on and on...but the bottom line is this:
THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN.
THE WORLD IS BROKEN.

But right now, my heart is broken, too. My friend's heart is broken. Her husband's heart is broken. Their other kids' hearts are broken. Our community of family members, church members, friends and acquaintances who are familiar with this family and this story...are heart-broken. This precious baby girl was here one moment and gone the next. As I watched my friend change her baby girl out of the "little sister" onesie and into a generic one, and then hand her over to her new pre-adoptive father, my stomach turned. I literally felt her pain. Because I know all too well how easily that could've been me, handing over E to her biological grandparents.
We watched the pre-adoptive couple walk out of the courthouse today with this baby, OUR baby, my friends' baby, her son's sister...and it's just hard. It stinks. This is the part of foster care that everyone is scared of, and the reason a lot of people won't even do it. There are no real answers. There are no "fix-it" words. Sometimes there's just nothing we can do. And it's just hard.

But we can always pray. We can always allow our friends who are hurting to heal, vent, cry, or even ignore and deflect for a while if that's what they need. This journey of fostering and adopting is difficult, sometimes it feels lonely, and most times it's frustrating and confusing. It is faith-stretching in ways nothing else is.

Today I was reminded how sometimes we only see the here and now - we can't see the bigger picture and we can't imagine what God has planned, why He's allowed us into a certain situation, and what we're supposed to learn or gain from it. Sometimes none of it seems to make any sense, and in our flesh we start to question if we did something wrong, didn't try or fight hard enough for it, or why someone else gets a blessing but we don't. And I'm reminded that everything happens for a reason. God isn't surprised by court rulings, parental mistakes, children's behavior (our behavior...), or anything else for that matter. He knows. He cares. He's got a plan.

When we were in the middle of our custody battle for E, I often questioned the Lord..."Why is this happening? No one in their right mind can tell me it's going to be best for her to leave us...this is all she's ever known!" I was frustrated and scared. Now, on the flip side of it all, God has shown me why we went through that tough time...it's to help others who are going through this stuff. Because unless you've experienced the "crazy" that is dependency court....trust me, you don't get it. At least not completely. It's a mess.

Today I'm left wondering something else, though. It's still a "Why me?" question, but a little different..."Why'd we get to keep E, when so many other foster parents, who would gladly adopt, don't get to?" I felt overwhelmed leaving the courthouse today. Burdened and broken for my dear friends and that precious child, but also incredibly overwhelmed by God's blessing us with E as a permanent part of our family.

Because in that same court room, on December 8, 2015, we officially adopted that same girl who was placed in my arms as a 3 month old. And I will be forever grateful.

It's been a while...

Hello there…

I know it's been a very long time since I've updated the blog. Due to the nature of L's case and the way things were going, I didn't feel comfortable blogging/advertising everything that was going on. I WILL blog about her/our story and share how amazingly faithful God has been through it all.

Our fostering journey was a roller-coaster ride of emotions, to put it lightly. We went from a family of 3 to a family of 6 in less than a year! Three of our four children were under the age of 2 for the first 6 months of fostering "DS" (Joshua) and "L". The amount of court dates, staffings, phone conferences, and counseling sessions (not professional - yet…ha!) we've dealt with is staggering. And our experience is mild compared to many.

We recently decided, through much prayer and wrestling with our own emotions/feelings, that we needed to "close" our home for now. We HATED doing it, but right now there is lack of space at home and in our vehicles, and we need to be able to properly raise and train the children God already has entrusted into our care. We know full well that in a few years we will return to fostering, and I look forward to the day I get to make that phone call to Florida Baptist Children's Homes to relicense us!

However, we did not feel like God is done with us in this area of ministry quite yet. There's a reason we got into it, there's a reason we only had two placements, and there's a reason why "going on hold" was so difficult for us - we recognize the absolute, desperate need for foster homes and absolutely feel we have an obligation to contribute and make a difference.

And so…."Fostering Grace: Called to Care" was born.

This is a brand-new ministry we are heading up at our church, First Baptist Church Naples. We are so excited to see where the Lord will take this. For right now, we are hosting support group meetings for adoptive and foster families in our area. We are providing childcare and are looking forward to being able to provide basic essentials (like clothing, diapers, beds, toys, etc) soon to families adopting or fostering.

Please consider joining us in prayer for this "baby" ministry - that it would grow and mature into a support system far greater than any of us can imagine right now. If you'd like to be part of our prayer "team"  - please comment here, on either of our Facebook pages, or email us directly at santanafosteradopt@gmail.com
The best part is - you don't have to be local to pray for this endeavor! We welcome prayer partners from all over - maybe the Lord will lead someone in another city or state, or even country, to consider starting something similar. The need is not just in our city - it's nation-wide and growing constantly.

Some of our current prayer requests would include:

-Our local foster families - strength, wisdom, endurance, patience, love and grace; feel the Lord surrounding them & their families; to reach out for support

-Our local adoptive families - regardless of where they are at in their adoption journey, to feel God's arms around them and recognize the benefit of a like-minded support group (us! :D)

-Our local churches to come alongside foster and adoptive families like never before; to lift them up in prayer and support them however possible.

-We are in need of a space for a "Closet" (storage unit, empty room, etc…needs to have A/C) - we want to have a "store"/"closet" which could provide foster/adoptive families with some basic essentials (gently used/donated from other families) such as toys, clothes, (unused, unopened packs of) diapers/wipes, beds, cribs, swings, etc.
Free would be best, but we are willing to pay/rent a space if need be. We need this ASAP - not urgent, but the sooner the better.

-Upcoming meetings to be well attended and we get extra childcare helpers


Thanks for reading, everyone. And I promise - L's story coming soon! :)