I have been itching to get this blog post written and published FOR-EVER! But, with this many kids in our home….writing is soooo the last thing on my to-do list!
"DS" is, as of 11/21/14 a Santana!!!! His new name is Joshua Adam. :)
Since it's been SO long since I've updated, I'm going to attempt writing our saga in order over the course of the next few days and get y'all caught up.
Adoption day:
Although the day was a long-anticipated one, it felt strangely normal getting up, getting everyone dressed and out of the door. I mean, we don't pack up all four kids and head to the courthouse on any given "normal" day….but you know what I mean.
I had already cried some that morning, though. While getting ready and thinking about where the past four months with Joshua have brought us, his biological family, his new family, his past, his future…all of "this" becoming official. No one could ever take him away. A caseworker wasn't going to show up out of the blue and tell us his former placement got him back. No other woman could come and claim him as her son. He is mine. Well, not really. None of my kids are "mine", they're the Lord's. But again, you know what I mean.
I got upset in the car because I realized I brought my normal mascara, not the water-proof one. Ugh. I was sure my makeup was going to be horrendous after the ceremony.
We parked in the parking garage, unloaded everyone, got out the double stroller, and walked to the courthouse. Once through security (where we had to unload everything from said double stroller, carry the kids through the metal detectors, and re-load everything onto/into the stroller again…that's always fun) we headed up to the courtroom. We were so blessed to have family attending. Everyone was so excited. The ceremony was less than 10 minutes, and I don't remember a ton. I remember the lawyer asking us a bunch of questions like "Are you adopting him because you love him?" (um…duh?), "Does the child own any property?" (this one just cracked me up…he's not even 2 years old) and "Do you promise to treat him and provide for him as you would your own biological children?" (that one was my favorite because that's totally my goal - that my children see no difference as to whether I physically gave birth to them or not, they are equally my children).
After we finished in the court room (where two other families were adopting….one sibling set got a forever home, and a teenage girl was adopted by her uncle, both were bawling and I think everyone in the room was, too. SO COOL!), we were interviewed by the 4 local news stations about the proceedings. Honestly, hubby did most of the talking (I'm totally ok with that - I'll stick to writing! Ha!) and he did a phenomenal job. It was such a great witnessing opportunity and literally every other sentence had something to do with "Gospel", "Jesus", "God", "our calling", etc. My favorite question though was "How do you feel bringing Joshua home today?" Um…the same as every other day since July? ;) In all seriousness, I thought it would feel so different, like a huge switch would go off and everything would just magically change. But it didn't - it was a normal day with our four kiddos, our family, celebrating something amazing, sure, but he had already become a part of our family long before that day. A signature and an oath didn't change anything except the legal status of our newest child.
Watch the News Segment here :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Uncertainty
I feel like I could write a book about uncertainty. I mean, the struggle is real, folks. Uncertainty is not a fun place to be. It's like hanging in limbo, not knowing if you're going to soar or fall, if you're emotional roller coaster is going to go up or down, or do a loop-di-loop for that matter. Sometimes it feels like those few seconds on the Tower of Terror ride at Disney - you know, when you're at the top and you KNOW you're about to free fall but you haven't yet? The anticipation is killer. And in those moments of uncertainty, fear creeps in. Fears, worries, what-if's, insecurities, and basically anything else that the devil wants to use to keep us in bondage.
BUT….
In those stand-still moments, before the free-fall, is when I find God show up the biggest. WHEN I call on Him and rely on His strength, His power, His comfort, His peace, His mercy, His love…His justice. His all-knowing supremacy and ultimately, His Perfect plan.
He's got this!
Anything I can muster up to defend my kids, promote myself as the better placement, or investigate and "expose" crappy things the bio parents are doing is NOTHING compared to what my God can do. And I have got to let go of my own view of justice, my own view of how this system is "supposed" to work, because let's face it. It's a flawed system. Very, very flawed. Despite there being *some* very dedicated, honest people there who truly want whats best for these children, the system is simply flawed. (Talk about writing a book….there's another one! Ha!)
And I suppose to finish out the Disney ride analogy - then, without fear, I can enjoy the rest of that ride…because I LOVE a good roller coaster/ride!
In our own cases, here's an update:
DS:
Adoption paperwork and home study are complete, and are at the attorney's office. I signed last night and Jose is signing today!! Finalizing should happen this month, although there is a family member attempting to throw us a curve ball. We're not too worried (ok, truth: hubby isn't worried, I kind of am but I'm practicing what I preach and am trying to daily LET IT GO and give it to God!!) but praying that her threats are just that: threats; no follow-through.
L:
Mama is doing pretty good as far as case-plans go. She's supposedly got her own place now, and has a decent job. She expects L by Christmas, which we are being told won't happen. Mom has not been visiting very often at all. Follow-through is a big issue here, along with maturity and responsibility.
Dad is non-compliant with his case plan at the moment. Which, we've learned, really doesn't mean much. There's no "real" consequences, currently, for this. If he still is non-compliant when we go to court in Feb then he could be threatened with loss of parental rights but it probably won't happen right away. He still gets the right to see her (but hasn't in the past two weeks) at the office, supervised. (He lost unsupervised visitation rights without having ever even had an unsupervised visit. He's seen L a total of 3 times since the beginning of September)
So, that's where we are at! Thanks for journeying with us, praying for us, and sharing these stories. The more people are talking about foster care, the more awareness we bring to our communities. Hopefully, the more awareness we bring, the more people feel called to this whole fostering journey alongside of us. That's our prayer. No more children being bounced from home to home, sleeping in a hotel, or even in their case managers' office. No more over-crowded and over-used foster homes that then get burned out
BUT….
In those stand-still moments, before the free-fall, is when I find God show up the biggest. WHEN I call on Him and rely on His strength, His power, His comfort, His peace, His mercy, His love…His justice. His all-knowing supremacy and ultimately, His Perfect plan.
He's got this!
Anything I can muster up to defend my kids, promote myself as the better placement, or investigate and "expose" crappy things the bio parents are doing is NOTHING compared to what my God can do. And I have got to let go of my own view of justice, my own view of how this system is "supposed" to work, because let's face it. It's a flawed system. Very, very flawed. Despite there being *some* very dedicated, honest people there who truly want whats best for these children, the system is simply flawed. (Talk about writing a book….there's another one! Ha!)
And I suppose to finish out the Disney ride analogy - then, without fear, I can enjoy the rest of that ride…because I LOVE a good roller coaster/ride!
In our own cases, here's an update:
DS:
Adoption paperwork and home study are complete, and are at the attorney's office. I signed last night and Jose is signing today!! Finalizing should happen this month, although there is a family member attempting to throw us a curve ball. We're not too worried (ok, truth: hubby isn't worried, I kind of am but I'm practicing what I preach and am trying to daily LET IT GO and give it to God!!) but praying that her threats are just that: threats; no follow-through.
L:
Mama is doing pretty good as far as case-plans go. She's supposedly got her own place now, and has a decent job. She expects L by Christmas, which we are being told won't happen. Mom has not been visiting very often at all. Follow-through is a big issue here, along with maturity and responsibility.
Dad is non-compliant with his case plan at the moment. Which, we've learned, really doesn't mean much. There's no "real" consequences, currently, for this. If he still is non-compliant when we go to court in Feb then he could be threatened with loss of parental rights but it probably won't happen right away. He still gets the right to see her (but hasn't in the past two weeks) at the office, supervised. (He lost unsupervised visitation rights without having ever even had an unsupervised visit. He's seen L a total of 3 times since the beginning of September)
So, that's where we are at! Thanks for journeying with us, praying for us, and sharing these stories. The more people are talking about foster care, the more awareness we bring to our communities. Hopefully, the more awareness we bring, the more people feel called to this whole fostering journey alongside of us. That's our prayer. No more children being bounced from home to home, sleeping in a hotel, or even in their case managers' office. No more over-crowded and over-used foster homes that then get burned out
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Crazy System
One thing I've learned through this whole fostering process is that nothing is ever guaranteed. Visits? Nope. Parents staying on track? Nope. Case Managers doing what they say they'll do? Nope. Keeping the children's best interests in mind? Nope.
You'd think an organization that is established and intended for the WELFARE of the CHILD would do things, like, consider what's actually best for the child?? Yeah, I know. Novel idea.
Things that I hear that drive me crazy about this system and the people running it….
-A bio dad is granted unsupervised overnight visits, even though he just got out of jail for a felony
(yes you read that right…FELONY)
-A biological half-brother who isn't even 20 years old yet is a viable candidate for placement of an 18 month old.
-Sibling group of two spend over 2,000 days in foster care, had countless case managers and judges….the system failed these kids. Multiple times.
-Case workers saying they're going to drug test the bio parents before unsupervised visits only to find out that didn't happen.
-Bio parents not understanding this process AT ALL and thinking they deserve their child back because ….. well, they are "blood". (Because there isn't any other logical reason at the time…case plan? What case plan??)
The list could go on and on. Don't get me wrong, these aren't the only cases….there's stories of bio parents who got their act together and were reunified with their child(ren) and are doing great! As with anything, there's pros and cons I suppose.
There is SUCH a need for foster parents and foster families. I keep hearing what a "wonderful thing we're doing" and I just want to reply "If you think it's so great, why don't you do it?". I know, it's not for every season of life. And it is certainly hard, difficult, emotional, frustrating, annoying, disappointing, and a true roller-coaster ride. But these kids deserve loving homes. And God gives us the grace and strength to endure anything He puts in our path. So there's that ;)
You'd think an organization that is established and intended for the WELFARE of the CHILD would do things, like, consider what's actually best for the child?? Yeah, I know. Novel idea.
Things that I hear that drive me crazy about this system and the people running it….
-A bio dad is granted unsupervised overnight visits, even though he just got out of jail for a felony
(yes you read that right…FELONY)
-A biological half-brother who isn't even 20 years old yet is a viable candidate for placement of an 18 month old.
-Sibling group of two spend over 2,000 days in foster care, had countless case managers and judges….the system failed these kids. Multiple times.
-Case workers saying they're going to drug test the bio parents before unsupervised visits only to find out that didn't happen.
-Bio parents not understanding this process AT ALL and thinking they deserve their child back because ….. well, they are "blood". (Because there isn't any other logical reason at the time…case plan? What case plan??)
The list could go on and on. Don't get me wrong, these aren't the only cases….there's stories of bio parents who got their act together and were reunified with their child(ren) and are doing great! As with anything, there's pros and cons I suppose.
There is SUCH a need for foster parents and foster families. I keep hearing what a "wonderful thing we're doing" and I just want to reply "If you think it's so great, why don't you do it?". I know, it's not for every season of life. And it is certainly hard, difficult, emotional, frustrating, annoying, disappointing, and a true roller-coaster ride. But these kids deserve loving homes. And God gives us the grace and strength to endure anything He puts in our path. So there's that ;)
Court Updates - September
((This was written back on September 9 and never posted…OOPS!))
Court update on L's case:
Unsupervised visits have been granted by the judge. Safety plan has been drafted and signed by bio parents, so as of yesterday afternoon they were informed of no more office visits with L.
(I found out this morning...because I was calling to schedule someone to pick L up from the house as hubby and I were headed to court with DS and the in-laws were home with the other 3)
They now have to inform myself and the case manager 24 hours in advance that they'd like to see her, how long, and where they will be (they still have to be in public places only). We have the right to say "no" if a particular day or time doesn't work for us. But here's what gets me: there's no "formal" or "official" standard for how many days or how long they can have her?? Seems totally weird to me, but oh well. My mantra for now is "That's not my job". ;)
So as of right now, they've "missed out" on today and tomorrow's visits because I haven't heard from anyone. Lovely. I hate feeling out of the loop. (Welcome to Foster Care, right? haha)
The better news is that we had a Judicial Review today for DS, in front of the panel (no judge). They reviewed all of the happenings since they last saw his case (back in April), were shocked at the situation he was placed in, or rather, removed from.....a family member who no longer wanted to adopt. They loved seeing him, loved hearing his improvements and stated that the adoption case plan goal date is 11/12/14, but unless we request to go back sooner, the next official court date is 2/5/15. They asked about family members requesting visitation, and seemed very supportive when his case manager said she was leaning towards not suggesting that, seeing as it was not a supportive environment before, and there's no telling if the family has gotten their lives back together or not.
So we're excited to see where this path takes us! We had a phenomenal report at the pediatrician yesterday. Healthy foster babies, no more medical tests for DS, and he's gaining weight! Praise Jesus. We're so blessed.
Court update on L's case:
Unsupervised visits have been granted by the judge. Safety plan has been drafted and signed by bio parents, so as of yesterday afternoon they were informed of no more office visits with L.
(I found out this morning...because I was calling to schedule someone to pick L up from the house as hubby and I were headed to court with DS and the in-laws were home with the other 3)
They now have to inform myself and the case manager 24 hours in advance that they'd like to see her, how long, and where they will be (they still have to be in public places only). We have the right to say "no" if a particular day or time doesn't work for us. But here's what gets me: there's no "formal" or "official" standard for how many days or how long they can have her?? Seems totally weird to me, but oh well. My mantra for now is "That's not my job". ;)
So as of right now, they've "missed out" on today and tomorrow's visits because I haven't heard from anyone. Lovely. I hate feeling out of the loop. (Welcome to Foster Care, right? haha)
The better news is that we had a Judicial Review today for DS, in front of the panel (no judge). They reviewed all of the happenings since they last saw his case (back in April), were shocked at the situation he was placed in, or rather, removed from.....a family member who no longer wanted to adopt. They loved seeing him, loved hearing his improvements and stated that the adoption case plan goal date is 11/12/14, but unless we request to go back sooner, the next official court date is 2/5/15. They asked about family members requesting visitation, and seemed very supportive when his case manager said she was leaning towards not suggesting that, seeing as it was not a supportive environment before, and there's no telling if the family has gotten their lives back together or not.
So we're excited to see where this path takes us! We had a phenomenal report at the pediatrician yesterday. Healthy foster babies, no more medical tests for DS, and he's gaining weight! Praise Jesus. We're so blessed.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Bio Parents Aren't Always "The Bad Guy"
I've been thinking about this topic for a while now. Somehow, somewhere along the line, people have associated foster care with automatic adoptable kids. Some have associated foster care with awful kids, dead beat parents, behavior problems, runaways, psycho parents, awful rules, and a myriad of other things. While some of those may be true in some cases, it's not always the norm. (Aside from the dumb rules....most of the rules really are stupid)
One thing I've realized is that most people have a negative reaction when we tell them that L is most likely going home sometime around January. "Why??", they ask, with the best of intentions. Well, because her PARENTS are doing what they've been told to do (we think) and are getting their lives back together (as far as we know). In all seriousness - they have a right to have their daughter back if they are in fact doing those things. If the government tried passing a law that said "At the first offense, biological parents will loose the right to regain custody of their children" you'd better believe I'd be voting a big, fat NO on that one. Sometimes, it's just one dumb mistake that alters the course of your life forever. Luckily, most of us don't have huge consequences from the mistakes we've made. Some of our mistakes weren't broadcasted on Facebook or Instagram, snapchatted or tweeted. (Thank Goodness!!!) I can't imagine the devastation of loosing my children because of something I've done wrong - what if someone saw me spank our 3 year old and called DCF on me....I shouldn't have a right to get my child back IF they took him away? What if someone claimed they saw me doing drugs...I shouldn't have a right to get my kids back if I got clean and quit? That's a ridiculous claim, of course I should have that right. So why do we treat foster kids' bio parents as if they shouldn't have that right? They are people, too. Flawed, sinful people...JUST LIKE you and me. The catch is - are they recognizing their mistakes and truly changing their lifestyles. And, of course, if the answer to that is no, then obviously the child(ren) need(s) to remain in someone else's custody.
Let's vow to change the way we look at our foster kids' bio parents...
*Let's pray for them instead of think poorly of them
*Let's try to put ourselves in their shoes instead of looking down at them
*Let's make every effort to help them in their efforts to be better people instead of secretly wishing they'll fail
*Let's pray that they make the right decisions for their children's sake - sometimes severing ties and letting go is truly best, and I cannot even imagine having to make that decision.
*Let's pray for strength, determination, and most of all: salvation.
In L's case, we are working hard to develop some kind of a relationship with her parents. They're young, and we want to have a positive influence on them; and selfishly, to stay in touch so we can still see and interact with L once she's gone. They've attended church with us once, and we attempted dinner (didn't go over well....3 of the 4 kids were melting down. haha "Welcome to Parenthood!"). We stay in touch during the week and hopefully we can keep that up. That is, apparently, rare. (It shouldn't be...but it is) With DS's case - his bio parents' rights have been terminated so none of this even applies ;)
**Of course, in foster care, every single situation is different. There are circumstances that are extreme, and in some cases the biological parents should never, ever see their children again because of what they've done to/allowed to happen to their children. Please don't think I don't know this. I'm simply speaking that in general, this should be our approach WHEN POSSIBLE. Thanks for understanding and not biting my head off if you're in one of those more difficult situations. :)
One thing I've realized is that most people have a negative reaction when we tell them that L is most likely going home sometime around January. "Why??", they ask, with the best of intentions. Well, because her PARENTS are doing what they've been told to do (we think) and are getting their lives back together (as far as we know). In all seriousness - they have a right to have their daughter back if they are in fact doing those things. If the government tried passing a law that said "At the first offense, biological parents will loose the right to regain custody of their children" you'd better believe I'd be voting a big, fat NO on that one. Sometimes, it's just one dumb mistake that alters the course of your life forever. Luckily, most of us don't have huge consequences from the mistakes we've made. Some of our mistakes weren't broadcasted on Facebook or Instagram, snapchatted or tweeted. (Thank Goodness!!!) I can't imagine the devastation of loosing my children because of something I've done wrong - what if someone saw me spank our 3 year old and called DCF on me....I shouldn't have a right to get my child back IF they took him away? What if someone claimed they saw me doing drugs...I shouldn't have a right to get my kids back if I got clean and quit? That's a ridiculous claim, of course I should have that right. So why do we treat foster kids' bio parents as if they shouldn't have that right? They are people, too. Flawed, sinful people...JUST LIKE you and me. The catch is - are they recognizing their mistakes and truly changing their lifestyles. And, of course, if the answer to that is no, then obviously the child(ren) need(s) to remain in someone else's custody.
Let's vow to change the way we look at our foster kids' bio parents...
*Let's pray for them instead of think poorly of them
*Let's try to put ourselves in their shoes instead of looking down at them
*Let's make every effort to help them in their efforts to be better people instead of secretly wishing they'll fail
*Let's pray that they make the right decisions for their children's sake - sometimes severing ties and letting go is truly best, and I cannot even imagine having to make that decision.
*Let's pray for strength, determination, and most of all: salvation.
In L's case, we are working hard to develop some kind of a relationship with her parents. They're young, and we want to have a positive influence on them; and selfishly, to stay in touch so we can still see and interact with L once she's gone. They've attended church with us once, and we attempted dinner (didn't go over well....3 of the 4 kids were melting down. haha "Welcome to Parenthood!"). We stay in touch during the week and hopefully we can keep that up. That is, apparently, rare. (It shouldn't be...but it is) With DS's case - his bio parents' rights have been terminated so none of this even applies ;)
**Of course, in foster care, every single situation is different. There are circumstances that are extreme, and in some cases the biological parents should never, ever see their children again because of what they've done to/allowed to happen to their children. Please don't think I don't know this. I'm simply speaking that in general, this should be our approach WHEN POSSIBLE. Thanks for understanding and not biting my head off if you're in one of those more difficult situations. :)
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
September 2nd: 5 Things Tuesday
So it's 5 things Tuesday and I thought I'd share 5 things {most} foster parents wish they could say, but {usually} don't.
Sometimes we don't say it because we don't want to get into details.
Sometimes we don't say it because we don't want to get emotional.
Sometimes we don't say it because it wouldn't be very nice. ;)
But sometimes we do say them. In a nice way. As a warning. On a fostering blog.
So here we go:
1. Just because I'm fostering DOES NOT mean I can't have any {more} children. Although this very well could be the case, maybe I'm just taking Jesus' command to take care of these children literally! And either way....it's most likely none of your business. If I couldn't have kids and I wanted to discuss my fertility issues with you, I would have already. So please, don't go there.
2. Foster children are by no means responsible for their parents' poor choices. Please don't treat, think, or act as if they are "less" than any other child. Biological, adopted privately, adopted through foster care, or foster care kids are all precious in God's sight, regardless of their situation.
3. I am not a "saint" or a "super mom" because I have invited these children into my home. GOD TOLD ME TO. I am simply being obedient. Yes, it is hard. It's hard regardless of who birthed the child, me or someone else. They are sinful little boogers and we're trying to "train them up in the ways they should go" in the amount of time we've been given with them; long-term or short-term. **Sinful little boogers whom we LOVE SO MUCH ;)
4. Foster children getting adopted rarely happens within the first year of placement, unless a wide array of things fall into place first. (Our own situation with DS is far from normal) So, when you ask "do you get to keep her/him/them?" my answer will always be "for now". When you pry further and ask "well why should they go back?" my answer depends on the situation. Frankly, sometimes its the RIGHT THING for them to go back because their parents have done their jobs & gotten their lives back together. Other times it's not such a good thing, but bottom line is that I myself probably can't change that. I have to trust that ultimately the Lord loves this child more than I do and will protect him/her.
5. Just because a foster child is being difficult does not mean I can just "exchange him" for another one - seriously, some people think this way!?!? It's a CHILD. They, as I mentioned above, are sinful little boogers and we are trying to train them in right and wrong. The foster care system is not a grocery store to go and pick out your offspring. It's also not acceptable to me that {unless there are extenuating circumstances} people would just "swap out" a child because he/she isn't acting as deemed "appropriate" or "expected"...I mean, I get that there are extreme situations, and by all means, you must consider the safety of the children already in your home as well as yourself. But this is still a child's LIFE we're talking about. Most haven't had great {or ANY} positive examples of how to act, treat others, talk, use manners, etc. They NEED loving, stable homes.
Thanks for reading. If you're not a foster parent, please don't think we would be upset with you over these situations....probably a better way to phrase our feelings would be to say we're frustrated with the lack of understanding of the system. And frankly, sometimes WE don't understand the system either. :)
If you ARE a foster parent and have something to add, PLEASE DO! Feel free to comment or email us!
Sometimes we don't say it because we don't want to get into details.
Sometimes we don't say it because we don't want to get emotional.
Sometimes we don't say it because it wouldn't be very nice. ;)
But sometimes we do say them. In a nice way. As a warning. On a fostering blog.
So here we go:
1. Just because I'm fostering DOES NOT mean I can't have any {more} children. Although this very well could be the case, maybe I'm just taking Jesus' command to take care of these children literally! And either way....it's most likely none of your business. If I couldn't have kids and I wanted to discuss my fertility issues with you, I would have already. So please, don't go there.
2. Foster children are by no means responsible for their parents' poor choices. Please don't treat, think, or act as if they are "less" than any other child. Biological, adopted privately, adopted through foster care, or foster care kids are all precious in God's sight, regardless of their situation.
3. I am not a "saint" or a "super mom" because I have invited these children into my home. GOD TOLD ME TO. I am simply being obedient. Yes, it is hard. It's hard regardless of who birthed the child, me or someone else. They are sinful little boogers and we're trying to "train them up in the ways they should go" in the amount of time we've been given with them; long-term or short-term. **Sinful little boogers whom we LOVE SO MUCH ;)
4. Foster children getting adopted rarely happens within the first year of placement, unless a wide array of things fall into place first. (Our own situation with DS is far from normal) So, when you ask "do you get to keep her/him/them?" my answer will always be "for now". When you pry further and ask "well why should they go back?" my answer depends on the situation. Frankly, sometimes its the RIGHT THING for them to go back because their parents have done their jobs & gotten their lives back together. Other times it's not such a good thing, but bottom line is that I myself probably can't change that. I have to trust that ultimately the Lord loves this child more than I do and will protect him/her.
5. Just because a foster child is being difficult does not mean I can just "exchange him" for another one - seriously, some people think this way!?!? It's a CHILD. They, as I mentioned above, are sinful little boogers and we are trying to train them in right and wrong. The foster care system is not a grocery store to go and pick out your offspring. It's also not acceptable to me that {unless there are extenuating circumstances} people would just "swap out" a child because he/she isn't acting as deemed "appropriate" or "expected"...I mean, I get that there are extreme situations, and by all means, you must consider the safety of the children already in your home as well as yourself. But this is still a child's LIFE we're talking about. Most haven't had great {or ANY} positive examples of how to act, treat others, talk, use manners, etc. They NEED loving, stable homes.
Thanks for reading. If you're not a foster parent, please don't think we would be upset with you over these situations....probably a better way to phrase our feelings would be to say we're frustrated with the lack of understanding of the system. And frankly, sometimes WE don't understand the system either. :)
If you ARE a foster parent and have something to add, PLEASE DO! Feel free to comment or email us!
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Our First Day in Court
I know I promised an update on how court for L went....so here goes!
On Wednesday morning I got myself and L ready, brought clothes for Jose (who had been at work and would be returning to work after), and left the three boys with my amazing in-laws. Y'all, I was NERVOUS! I even forgot Jose's belt and shoes. :) Luckily, he had some from work that would do just fine. I picked him up at the fire station and off we went towards the courthouse.
After parking, loading L in the stroller and walking in, we had to then take her OUT of the stroller, go through the security checkpoint, get her back INTO the stroller, and head to the third floor. We arrived about 10 minutes early and her bio parents, the caseworker and the guardian were already there. Now, we've been on pretty good terms with her parents so it's not so much nerves/anxiety about them specifically, more about how the panel (this time we were not in front of a judge) was going to handle their progress and their requests.
Bio mom immediately wanted to hold her, which of course is fine, and so we began our wait....we were supposed to get called in at 11....yeah, right. In the meantime, L was getting fussy because 11:30 is nap time for her, and when we're not at home and she's not in her bed, she has a much harder time going to sleep.
L was all dolled up in a cute dress with a big bow on her head...which she started playing with. She proceeded to pull it out and let go .... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! When she had let go, it snapped her in the forehead....oops! ;) While it was kind of funny (to us), bio mom felt so bad and L was being SO loud. She is a very emotional little girl and makes her feelings known, that's for sure. To top it off, she was tired, so this little incident just made matters worse. She wailed and wailed for the longest time, but mom was persistent and finally was able to not only calm her, but get her to sleep. Without our help (other than handing her a paci and a blanket for L), without losing her cool, and all while in a cute dress and heels ;) I was impressed. It was the first time I really got to see her handle a stressful situation with L (one that makes ANY mama cringe!) and I was pleased to see how she took care of it.
Anyways, we finally got called into the panel room around 11:45. We all sat down, introduced ourselves and the panel got started asking questions. They asked the case manager how the case plan was coming along. They asked us how L was doing. They asked the case manager how bio parents were with L (one panel member asked us the same thing, as we see them with her more than the case worker does; she doesn't supervise visits). They asked mom and dad how they felt things were going ("not fast enough"). Then the case manager said she was suggesting unsupervised visits. Without hesitation, no questions asked, the panel granted their request. Now, I'm not necessarily against them having unsupervised visits. I just wish they would have asked some (I believe) important questions:
-Do you have transportation of your own? (no)
-Where will you take her, since there is no approved home study and you can't take her to your house?
-How many days/hours are we requesting?
-Who can accompany you on these visits?
I was hoping for a clear outline of how this was going to work, which didn't happen. The judge still has to approve the request, which may or may not happen. (I'm thinking she might request answers to those, or more, questions)
And then, one panel member asks "So are we going to suggest overnight visits as well?"
My heart DROPPED to the floor. Jose later said he even heard me gasp or choke (I hope he was the only one, haha) Thankfully, the case manager, guardian, and attorney for the department all quickly said "no!". There is no approved home study so this cannot happen until they are completely done with their case plan, and have a cleared home.
Then, just like that, we were done! It was so quick, and we don't go back until January 8, so there were still many questions left unanswered.
I felt better after talking to the case manager the next day. She answered a lot of those questions for me and helped me understand the unsupervised visits a little better.
-Bio parents have to check in 24 hours in advance and tell the CM where they are going to be taking L
-They have to get their transportation approved and have proof of insurance
-The guardian as well as the CM will stop by the visits every so often
(And if they aren't where they said they'd be: big trouble)
Although I didn't get an answer to my "how many days a week and for how long on those days" question, she did assure me that the visits have to be pre-planned, and can't simply be on a "hey, we want to see our daughter today" whim.
It was great to see how God worked everything out - from mom and dad being so easy-going and hands-on with L prior to going into court, the CM and others being quick to deny overnights, to having our friend from Florida Baptist Children's Homes in there with us for support (and a yummy lunch afterwards!). He really is our rock, our provider, and comfort. We couldn't be doing this without His guidance and strength.
Now that we have this court experience under our belt, we are anxious to see how DS's court date on 9/10 goes. Probably nothing like this one - their cases couldn't be more opposite. But hey, that's what we signed up for. Every child comes from a unique situation and could potentially have a different outcome.
On Wednesday morning I got myself and L ready, brought clothes for Jose (who had been at work and would be returning to work after), and left the three boys with my amazing in-laws. Y'all, I was NERVOUS! I even forgot Jose's belt and shoes. :) Luckily, he had some from work that would do just fine. I picked him up at the fire station and off we went towards the courthouse.
After parking, loading L in the stroller and walking in, we had to then take her OUT of the stroller, go through the security checkpoint, get her back INTO the stroller, and head to the third floor. We arrived about 10 minutes early and her bio parents, the caseworker and the guardian were already there. Now, we've been on pretty good terms with her parents so it's not so much nerves/anxiety about them specifically, more about how the panel (this time we were not in front of a judge) was going to handle their progress and their requests.
Bio mom immediately wanted to hold her, which of course is fine, and so we began our wait....we were supposed to get called in at 11....yeah, right. In the meantime, L was getting fussy because 11:30 is nap time for her, and when we're not at home and she's not in her bed, she has a much harder time going to sleep.
L was all dolled up in a cute dress with a big bow on her head...which she started playing with. She proceeded to pull it out and let go .... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! When she had let go, it snapped her in the forehead....oops! ;) While it was kind of funny (to us), bio mom felt so bad and L was being SO loud. She is a very emotional little girl and makes her feelings known, that's for sure. To top it off, she was tired, so this little incident just made matters worse. She wailed and wailed for the longest time, but mom was persistent and finally was able to not only calm her, but get her to sleep. Without our help (other than handing her a paci and a blanket for L), without losing her cool, and all while in a cute dress and heels ;) I was impressed. It was the first time I really got to see her handle a stressful situation with L (one that makes ANY mama cringe!) and I was pleased to see how she took care of it.
Anyways, we finally got called into the panel room around 11:45. We all sat down, introduced ourselves and the panel got started asking questions. They asked the case manager how the case plan was coming along. They asked us how L was doing. They asked the case manager how bio parents were with L (one panel member asked us the same thing, as we see them with her more than the case worker does; she doesn't supervise visits). They asked mom and dad how they felt things were going ("not fast enough"). Then the case manager said she was suggesting unsupervised visits. Without hesitation, no questions asked, the panel granted their request. Now, I'm not necessarily against them having unsupervised visits. I just wish they would have asked some (I believe) important questions:
-Do you have transportation of your own? (no)
-Where will you take her, since there is no approved home study and you can't take her to your house?
-How many days/hours are we requesting?
-Who can accompany you on these visits?
I was hoping for a clear outline of how this was going to work, which didn't happen. The judge still has to approve the request, which may or may not happen. (I'm thinking she might request answers to those, or more, questions)
And then, one panel member asks "So are we going to suggest overnight visits as well?"
My heart DROPPED to the floor. Jose later said he even heard me gasp or choke (I hope he was the only one, haha) Thankfully, the case manager, guardian, and attorney for the department all quickly said "no!". There is no approved home study so this cannot happen until they are completely done with their case plan, and have a cleared home.
Then, just like that, we were done! It was so quick, and we don't go back until January 8, so there were still many questions left unanswered.
I felt better after talking to the case manager the next day. She answered a lot of those questions for me and helped me understand the unsupervised visits a little better.
-Bio parents have to check in 24 hours in advance and tell the CM where they are going to be taking L
-They have to get their transportation approved and have proof of insurance
-The guardian as well as the CM will stop by the visits every so often
(And if they aren't where they said they'd be: big trouble)
Although I didn't get an answer to my "how many days a week and for how long on those days" question, she did assure me that the visits have to be pre-planned, and can't simply be on a "hey, we want to see our daughter today" whim.
It was great to see how God worked everything out - from mom and dad being so easy-going and hands-on with L prior to going into court, the CM and others being quick to deny overnights, to having our friend from Florida Baptist Children's Homes in there with us for support (and a yummy lunch afterwards!). He really is our rock, our provider, and comfort. We couldn't be doing this without His guidance and strength.
Now that we have this court experience under our belt, we are anxious to see how DS's court date on 9/10 goes. Probably nothing like this one - their cases couldn't be more opposite. But hey, that's what we signed up for. Every child comes from a unique situation and could potentially have a different outcome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)