#ShoutYourAdoption

Recently a hashtag that I will NOT link here began trending. It was calling on women who have had abortions to share ("shout") their stories and reasons for having an abortion. While I couldn't bring myself to read most of these "success stories", some of what they were saying stuck with me. These women were joyfully and proudly recounting their reasons for getting an abortion: to further their careers without the burden of a child, to become "more established" in order to better care for their current (or future) children, etc.

While part of me was absolutely disgusted, another part of me broke. My heart ached for these women who have believed satan's (and our culture's) lies hook, line, and sinker. They truly believe they were making a "smart", "responsible" or "mature" decision for their future, when in reality they were destroying a future. Perhaps not theirs alone, but also the future of a child whose voice we will never hear; who will never go to school; who will never play a sport; who will never get a chance at having a job; who will never invent new medicines; who will never become president; who will never preach the Gospel; who will never marry and have children of their own. We as a Nation have sunk so low as to not value the vulnerable lives of these precious babies in the womb - may God give us mercy. May those of us who are #shouting out against these atrocities be heard, may hearts be softened and ultimately may not only innocent lives be saved here on earth, but may souls be saved for eternity.

That being said, I'm calling on all #adoptive families to #shoutyouradoption. A friend of mine posted this idea on Instagram earlier and I LOVE it. Let's not limit this - any family who knows someone who is adopted, who wants to adopt, is in the process of adopting, has a heart for adoption……let's make #shoutyouradoption trend instead of the *other* hashtag!

So here goes my #shoutyouradoption story, the (semi-) brief version ;)
I was adopted at birth. To say I'm grateful for the gift of life my biological mother gave me is an understatement. I understand how easy it would have been to have a secret abortion - no one would ever have to know. Sadly this is the case for so many young Christian girls; they believe the lie that their parents would "kill them" because of the "embarrassment" it would cause them in their church circle of friends (aka we Christians are often times WAY too judgmental and legalistic….let's praise the young girl who chooses life because she recognizes her initial mistake and doesn't want to make a second one! But that's a whole other post…)
I am forever grateful that my birth mom chose adoption, and I am forever grateful for the parents I was blessed with through that adoption. I was raised in a Christian home, always knowing the gift and blessing of adoption - especially because we adopted my brother when I was 9 years old.
These experiences gave me a heart for adoption at a young age. I knew I eventually wanted to adopt when I got married. So, fast-forward a few years.
My husband and I got married young, and before having kids of our own we decided that I should try to find my biological mother, mainly in order to get some medical history if possible. I started way before we thought we would even try to have children because I had read a bunch of stories where it took the adoptees years to find their biological families. I found my birth mom within 5 minutes of searching. No kidding. Long story short, we connected, built a relationship, and I found out I have two half sisters. :) We still talk and see each other, and I feel extra blessed - not only was I given life, given a great family to raise me & grow up with, but also an added family as an adult. Adoption is amazing.
I include this side of my #adoptionstory because it gives me a unique insight into how my adopted child(ren) will feel about being adopted, and their possible desire to find their own biological families one day. I know it was difficult for my parents, and for many adoptive parents…and truth be told I get why it's difficult now - it'll be difficult for me too. But now I can say to my adopted child(ren) "I understand", if/when the time comes. And I can only pray that their experience is as positive as mine has been.
Fast-forward another few years and two biological children of our own later - my husband and I decide it's time to look into adoption agencies. You can read in detail how that went on this blog, in one of the first entries. We ended up becoming foster parents. Our second placement was "free and clear" for adoption when he came to us…and four short months later he was officially ours. It's been almost a year since our adoption finalization and I can say this much: Joshua is loved beyond measure. He completes our family in ways I can't even explain. He is teaching me SO much about myself and while our road has definitely NOT been an easy one, it's one I wouldn't change. I mean, if I'm being totally honest, I might change it - if I were unsaved, selfish, and not interested in becoming a better person. But I recognize that any issues we have with Josh are just mirrored images of my rebellion against God.
Adoption from foster care is usually not an easy road - it's difficult, marred with issues due to these children's experiences with trauma, abuse, neglect, and fear. But I am so thankful God brought us down this path - and I share this story in hopes that others will feel Him tugging on their hearts to follow suit. We aren't called to an easy life, we aren't called to a comfortable life. We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and take care of the orphans (and widows, to be fair).

I truly believe more people are called to foster. Adoption aside, just foster. There are SO MANY kids in foster mcare that need a loving, Christ-centered home to teach them they have HOPE and someone who will LOVE them UNCONDITIONALLY. That alone is worth it. Yes the system is screwed up. Yes, there are heartaches along the way. Yes, sometimes you'll want to throw in the towel. Yes, it's inconvenient. Yes, it's out of our comfort zone. But isn't that the whole point?? If we aren't any different than the world, how are we to show them Jesus in us?! If we aren't willing to step out (or jump!) in faith and trust that Jesus will carry us through the tough times - aren't we just being a tad bit selfish? I know this will stomp on some people's toes. But to be honest, I'm not really sorry. Someone's gotta say it. I'm passionate about this so it might as well be me. If you're feeling convicted right now, please don't assume it's because you have righteous indignation and be upset at me. Please don't make excuses and talk yourself out of this. Please assume it's the Lord tugging on your heart and begging you to at least check it out and see how you can help. Foster care & the ministry surrounding it can look many different ways. Please, I'm begging people to simply pray and ask the Lord how He might want to use you in this much-needed ministry to our most vulnerable people group. Remember, it's not enough to simply be pro-life, and anti-abortion…..we need to be pro-adoption, pro-foster care and STEP UP and DO something!

Thanks for not hating me after reading this ;)

(November 21, 2014)

#ShoutYourAdoption #Adoption #FosterCare #Ministry #DOSOMETHING #prolife #proadoption

Late Night Deep Thoughts

As I'm sitting here writing a letter to our judge in L's case, I started thinking. Ok, I'll admit, I was also doing my usual bio-fam social media stalking ;) Can't help it. I always find something juicy.

ANYWAYS

This week in our women's Bible study at church, we read about this woman in 2 Samuel 20:15-22. We don't know her name, we don't know her social status or any of her "good deeds" aside from the one mentioned in this passage; we don't know what kind of clothes she wore or what her favorite handbag was....all we know about her is that she is referred to as "one wise woman". She took it upon herself to intervene in her city being destroyed due to someone who was messing with King David being inside her city walls. Her approach was wise, and people listened to her.

A few things I can't get out of my head.
1) We don't know her name. She saved hundreds (or more) lives, saved Joab from destroying innocent people, and preserved a religious heritage (v 19). And we don't even know her name! If a woman like this, a wise woman, doesn't get her name recognized then who am I to crave receiving credit for anything I do?! I mean, I know doing things for such a selfish reason as getting credit or recognition is wrong, but let's face it: we all, to some degree, like the attention. It can come from one person simply recognizing what we did and praising us for it, or it can be a very public form of praise. In any case, we like hearing that what we're doing is good, nice, appreciated, needed. It's normal. BUT - I don't want those accolades and praises being the REASON I do good things, right things, God things. My motives need to come from a pure heart.

2) This wise woman had the right approach. Read the passage, it'll make sense. The way she approached this dilemma was wise. She didn't demand anything, she didn't pitch a fit, she didn't throw anyone under the bus by making accusations, she didn't gossip. She simply stated that her city would cooperate and hand over the man Joab was there for. (Actually, she said they'd throw his head over the city wall - and they did. Ouch! Wouldn't want to be that guy!)

Too often we do the right thing for the wrong reason. Or we do wrong things even though we have good intentions. I am constantly reminding myself of these two truths because as we near yet another court date in L's case, with the drama always increasing, I have to reel in my emotions a bit. I have to remember that we are doing this for the right reasons, and my actions need to back that up. My heart needs to back that up. If I go on about every little dramatic detail of the case in court, I'll look like the crazy person, not them. I have to remember to keep information short and sweet and factual; little emotion in regards to what they've done or are doing, and keep the focus on what's best for L.

Court is a week away. Please continue to pray. We are just hoping that we get some confirmation and good news next week. Thanks, as always, for your support!

Holidays & Drama - Part II

Now Joshua's holiday  "drama" ended up all right. Did L's??

After the cancelled Thanksgiving-week visit with dad, I didn't really expect him to schedule any more visits. I finally heard from mom the first week of December. She actually sent me her work schedule for the first time, and was asking for 3 visits that week. CM called and said dad wanted 3 visits that week.

Um, excuse me? These people haven't wanted to see their child/made an effort to see their child and now they want almost every day with her?

Oh wait, this is the roller coaster ride we signed up for.

Ok, sure, whatever. ;)

Dad scheduled Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday at the office. Mom scheduled Tuesday (in case Dad cancelled, which he did) and Thursday, unsupervised.
Dad's Wednesday visit was awkward and difficult, per the CM. He didn't know how to handle L's emotional state (of course she was distressed and upset - she hadn't seen him since October so she didn't remember). CM thought it would be a wake-up call, but it wasn't. He cancelled Friday's visit the morning of, not by calling the CM, but rather when the visitation supervisor called to confirm, he said he wasn't coming.

Meanwhile, mom is all of a sudden in a hurry to get her home study done and approved…she thinks she can kick everyone into gear, to work around her schedule, so that she can have overnight visits by Christmas….CM said "not gonna happen".

Fast-forward to the week before Christmas. (Mom saw L once more between the first week and now.)
It was a Sunday, and mom had L from 11am-5pm. Upon arrival at our pre-determined meeting spot for pick up, grandma was driving (she's not supposed to transport) and L was in different clothes. Grandma tries to confront me about giving them visits on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day….which mom and I had already discussed. Since she did not have her overnight visits approved (she acted surprised), I agreed to meet them Christmas Day in the afternoon.

Once they left, I went to change L back into her other onesie to be more comfortable (she was in a fancy, stiff-fabric Christmas dress) and gagged when I pulled it out of the plastic bag they handed me. It REEKED of cigarette smoke. Poor girl was already sick/coughing, and must have spent all day around smoke. I was nauseated and disgusted. I immediately texted the CM and informed her of all of the issues encountered on this visit. The following day, a Monday, she looked into mom's drug test results (why this isn't done immediately is a whole entirely separate issue but it infuriates me nonetheless!) and found out that she had missed the two most recently ordered drug tests and the last one she did take was 12/3 and she tested positive for alcohol. She is under 21. When the CM addressed this issue with mom, the response was "I sometimes drink wine with my mom after work" as if it's no big deal. I will refrain from making further comments on that issue…
CM suggested mom talk to her attorney, but that she was going to suspend unsupervised visits for the time-being. If mom could pass 4 random drug screens in a row, she could get them back. Mom said she would talk to her lawyer and get back to the CM. She never did. Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out what to do about Christmas Day!
I didn't hear from mom all day Christmas Eve, and since she's supposed to schedule/confirm visits 24 hours in advance, I assumed we were in the clear. At 8:30pm I got a text from a random number simply saying "Hey, it's ______ (moms name)". My house was still filled with people, we were trying to do some sweet Santa surprises for our oldest, get the kiddos bathed and in bed (but Christmas Jammie's pictures first!!), and I get that text. I literally dumped my phone on my bed and closed the door….NOT dealing with that right now! After every little one was tucked in, after all of our family had left, and Jose and I were sitting on the couch, I got my phone and we were able to laugh about it. "What in the world do I say to this?!" I remember asking Jose. I refused to discuss personal or case details with someone "claiming" to be L's mom, but I had no proof of that. He jokingly said to write back "Hey". So I did! Ha! I just wrote back "Hello" and left it at that. I never heard back, and that was that.

We had an amazing Christmas Eve with family and a nice, relaxing Christmas Day. After the kids opened their presents that morning, we had a big breakfast and headed over to Nana and Papa's to play at the park. No more drama, thank goodness. :)

Holidays & Drama - Part I

The two always go together, right? ;)

Adoption day was the Friday before Thanksgiving. L had had a few more unsupervised visits with mom (not dad) before then, but no requests for visits over Thanksgiving had come in yet. She had kind of "stalled" on her case plan work and was just coasting…
Out of the blue the CM called and asked to schedule visits for dad. What? He hasn't seen L since the beginning of October and got kicked out of treatment (again!). He scheduled a visit for the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and then cancelled it the same day. Radio silence from mom.

Thanksgiving was great, my family was still in town from the adoption and we got to celebrate with them, dinner a day early (they left Thanksgiving morning), and then a family dinner and our annual cousin late-night shopping spree on Thanksgiving Day. I love Black Friday shopping, and I'm not even ashamed. I wait 'til the kids are in bed….that makes it better, right??

On Saturday, I checked the mail before heading out to church. I saw a letter, addressed from Joshua's biological paternal grandparents…..my heart about stopped. We knew they wanted contact, and had every intention of contacting them once the adoption was final and everything settled down a bit. But to get a letter in the mail (how did they find out our full names and address???) was unexpected and threw me for a loop to say the least.

The letter was a heartfelt plea from a distressed grandmother - I couldn't help but let the tears fall as I read her (and Joshua's) story. She saw the news segment of Adoption Day and recognized her "lost" grandson. She explained her heartbreak of not knowing she had a grandchild until he was 6 months old and already in foster care, which resonated within me and my heart broke for her. She begged to be able to be some small part of his life, in whatever way we deemed fit as his parents. She claimed it was Divine intervention that she was watching the news that day, and I had to agree. That night I wrote a long letter back, telling her of our process in this whole crazy experience and how much we loved Joshua. I explained the name change, and told her how he was doing/adjusting/developing. We started to email back and forth and settled on a dinner "meet" with her and her husband, without Joshua present.

Shortly before Christmas, Jose and I met "Grandma and Grandpa N" at a restaurant for dinner. We had an excellent and straightforward conversation about our expectations/boundaries and their expectations/desires for this new-found relationship. I showed them lots of pictures and made sure they knew that we would definitely keep them in the loop. Long story short, they were great and even came to Joshua's birthday party a few weeks later. We couldn't be more thrilled that they can be a part of his life, and although this dynamic is "different" and some would call "complicated",  it's a beautiful picture of adoption: two families, some loss, some gain, and a whole lot of love to go around.

Adoption Day!!!! (super duper late post)

I have been itching to get this blog post written and published FOR-EVER! But, with this many kids in our home….writing is soooo the last thing on my to-do list!

"DS" is, as of 11/21/14 a Santana!!!! His new name is Joshua Adam. :)

Since it's been SO long since I've updated, I'm going to attempt writing our saga in order over the course of the next few days and get y'all caught up.


Adoption day:

Although the day was a long-anticipated one, it felt strangely normal getting up, getting everyone dressed and out of the door. I mean, we don't pack up all four kids and head to the courthouse on any given "normal" day….but you know what I mean.

I had already cried some that morning, though. While getting ready and thinking about where the past four months with Joshua have brought us, his biological family, his new family, his past, his future…all of "this" becoming official. No one could ever take him away. A caseworker wasn't going to show up out of the blue and tell us his former placement got him back. No other woman could come and claim him as her son. He is mine. Well, not really. None of my kids are "mine", they're the Lord's. But again, you know what I mean.

I got upset in the car because I realized I brought my normal mascara, not the water-proof one. Ugh. I was sure my makeup was going to be horrendous after the ceremony.

We parked in the parking garage, unloaded everyone, got out the double stroller, and walked to the courthouse. Once through security (where we had to unload everything from said double stroller, carry the kids through the metal detectors, and re-load everything onto/into the stroller again…that's always fun) we headed up to the courtroom. We were so blessed to have family attending. Everyone was so excited. The ceremony was less than 10 minutes, and I don't remember a ton. I remember the lawyer asking us a bunch of questions like "Are you adopting him because you love him?" (um…duh?), "Does the child own any property?" (this one just cracked me up…he's not even 2 years old) and "Do you promise to treat him and provide for him as you would your own biological children?" (that one was my favorite because that's totally my goal - that my children see no difference as to whether I physically gave birth to them or not, they are equally my children).

After we finished in the court room (where two other families were adopting….one sibling set got a forever home, and a teenage girl was adopted by her uncle, both were bawling and I think everyone in the room was, too. SO COOL!), we were interviewed by the 4 local news stations about the proceedings. Honestly, hubby did most of the talking (I'm totally ok with that - I'll stick to writing! Ha!) and he did a phenomenal job. It was such a great witnessing opportunity and literally every other sentence had something to do with "Gospel", "Jesus", "God", "our calling", etc. My favorite question though was "How do you feel bringing Joshua home today?" Um…the same as every other day since July? ;) In all seriousness, I thought it would feel so different, like a huge switch would go off and everything would just magically change. But it didn't - it was a normal day with our four kiddos, our family, celebrating something amazing, sure, but he had already become a part of our family long before that day. A signature and an oath didn't change anything except the legal status of our newest child.

Watch the News Segment here :)