I've been thinking about this topic for a while now. Somehow, somewhere along the line, people have associated foster care with automatic adoptable kids. Some have associated foster care with awful kids, dead beat parents, behavior problems, runaways, psycho parents, awful rules, and a myriad of other things. While some of those may be true in some cases, it's not always the norm. (Aside from the dumb rules....most of the rules really are stupid)
One thing I've realized is that most people have a negative reaction when we tell them that L is most likely going home sometime around January. "Why??", they ask, with the best of intentions. Well, because her PARENTS are doing what they've been told to do (we think) and are getting their lives back together (as far as we know). In all seriousness - they have a right to have their daughter back if they are in fact doing those things. If the government tried passing a law that said "At the first offense, biological parents will loose the right to regain custody of their children" you'd better believe I'd be voting a big, fat NO on that one. Sometimes, it's just one dumb mistake that alters the course of your life forever. Luckily, most of us don't have huge consequences from the mistakes we've made. Some of our mistakes weren't broadcasted on Facebook or Instagram, snapchatted or tweeted. (Thank Goodness!!!) I can't imagine the devastation of loosing my children because of something I've done wrong - what if someone saw me spank our 3 year old and called DCF on me....I shouldn't have a right to get my child back IF they took him away? What if someone claimed they saw me doing drugs...I shouldn't have a right to get my kids back if I got clean and quit? That's a ridiculous claim, of course I should have that right. So why do we treat foster kids' bio parents as if they shouldn't have that right? They are people, too. Flawed, sinful people...JUST LIKE you and me. The catch is - are they recognizing their mistakes and truly changing their lifestyles. And, of course, if the answer to that is no, then obviously the child(ren) need(s) to remain in someone else's custody.
Let's vow to change the way we look at our foster kids' bio parents...
*Let's pray for them instead of think poorly of them
*Let's try to put ourselves in their shoes instead of looking down at them
*Let's make every effort to help them in their efforts to be better people instead of secretly wishing they'll fail
*Let's pray that they make the right decisions for their children's sake - sometimes severing ties and letting go is truly best, and I cannot even imagine having to make that decision.
*Let's pray for strength, determination, and most of all: salvation.
In L's case, we are working hard to develop some kind of a relationship with her parents. They're young, and we want to have a positive influence on them; and selfishly, to stay in touch so we can still see and interact with L once she's gone. They've attended church with us once, and we attempted dinner (didn't go over well....3 of the 4 kids were melting down. haha "Welcome to Parenthood!"). We stay in touch during the week and hopefully we can keep that up. That is, apparently, rare. (It shouldn't be...but it is) With DS's case - his bio parents' rights have been terminated so none of this even applies ;)
**Of course, in foster care, every single situation is different. There are circumstances that are extreme, and in some cases the biological parents should never, ever see their children again because of what they've done to/allowed to happen to their children. Please don't think I don't know this. I'm simply speaking that in general, this should be our approach WHEN POSSIBLE. Thanks for understanding and not biting my head off if you're in one of those more difficult situations. :)
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