September 2nd: 5 Things Tuesday

So it's 5 things Tuesday and I thought I'd share 5 things {most} foster parents wish they could say, but {usually} don't.
Sometimes we don't say it because we don't want to get into details.
Sometimes we don't say it because we don't want to get emotional.
Sometimes we don't say it because it wouldn't be very nice. ;)

But sometimes we do say them. In a nice way. As a warning. On a fostering blog.
So here we go:

1. Just because I'm fostering DOES NOT mean I can't have any {more} children. Although this very well could be the case, maybe I'm just taking Jesus' command to take care of these children literally! And either way....it's most likely none of your business. If I couldn't have kids and I wanted to discuss my fertility issues with you, I would have already. So please, don't go there.

2. Foster children are by no means responsible for their parents' poor choices. Please don't treat, think, or act as if they are "less" than any other child. Biological, adopted privately, adopted through foster care, or foster care kids are all precious in God's sight, regardless of their situation.

3. I am not a "saint" or a "super mom" because I have invited these children into my home. GOD TOLD ME TO. I am simply being obedient. Yes, it is hard. It's hard regardless of who birthed the child, me or someone else. They are sinful little boogers and we're trying to "train them up in the ways they should go" in the amount of time we've been given with them; long-term or short-term. **Sinful little boogers whom we LOVE SO MUCH ;)

4. Foster children getting adopted rarely happens within the first year of placement, unless a wide array of things fall into place first. (Our own situation with DS is far from normal) So, when you ask "do you get to keep her/him/them?" my answer will always be "for now". When you pry further and ask "well why should they go back?" my answer depends on the situation. Frankly, sometimes its the RIGHT THING for them to go back because their parents have done their jobs & gotten their lives back together. Other times it's not such a good thing, but bottom line is that I myself probably can't change that. I have to trust that ultimately the Lord loves this child more than I do and will protect him/her.

5. Just because a foster child is being difficult does not mean I can just "exchange him" for another one - seriously, some people think this way!?!? It's a CHILD. They, as I mentioned above, are sinful little boogers and we are trying to train them in right and wrong. The foster care system is not a grocery store to go and pick out your offspring. It's also not acceptable to me that {unless there are extenuating circumstances} people would just "swap out" a child because he/she isn't acting as deemed "appropriate" or "expected"...I mean, I get that there are extreme situations, and by all means, you must consider the safety of the children already in your home as well as yourself. But this is still a child's LIFE we're talking about. Most haven't had great {or ANY} positive examples of how to act, treat others, talk, use manners, etc. They NEED loving, stable homes.


Thanks for reading. If you're not a foster parent, please don't think we would be upset with you over these situations....probably a better way to phrase our feelings would be to say we're frustrated with the lack of understanding of the system. And frankly, sometimes WE don't understand the system either. :)
If you ARE a foster parent and have something to add, PLEASE DO! Feel free to comment or email us!